An Introvert Abroad

This is the end of the first week of my fourth month in Montevideo. I'm exhausted.

Yesterday I participated in the Pruebas para Admisión to Las Llamadas; basically, qualifying for carnival. It was finally a really warm day here, and I've got a bit of sunburn to show for it. Emotions were also a bit more heated with the Buceo group, as is expected with the stress of competition. The final performance felt great though, and I feel lucky to have had an opportunity to experience this part of the carnival process, especially since it was a portion I was unaware of three months ago.

The pruebas offered a nice close to the first part of my investigation, which was to familiarize myself with the drumming. I've said it before, but I don't believe I'd have an ear for this at all if it wasn't for the performance opportunities I've had in Buceo. 

Now, ready or not, I must begin formal interviews. I spent most of the last week creating and revising questions, and will this week begin sending out requests.

And as for everything else...

I'm definitely learning a lot about myself. For one, I'm an introvert. Small talk is something I've never been good at in English, so imagine the problems I'm having in Spanish. Part of the exhaustion I feel is simply from constantly being out of my comfort zone. But I am opening up, for instance, there aren't any worries now about the single kiss greeting, it's a part of life here.

I also worry a great deal about returning to the States. This would be easier to ignore if it weren't for the small talk. Everyone wants to know where I'll be living and what I'll be doing. They don't understand when my response is "I don't know."

I do know that I miss being an active participant in a lot of different music. I miss having instruments just laying around. Here I'm mostly an observer, even in the instances of active participation. There are days when I just want to push the research aside and fully enjoy the moment, but my inexperience with fieldwork keeps me constantly on edge, analyzing my actions.

I am thinking that summer will offer opportunities to put the work aside. Plus, I don't just think it's my imagination when I say Montevideo seems happier as the weather warms.